catch me if i'm falling. catch me because i'm falling down on you.

I think when you're young, all you want to be is to be noticed. Seven letters, two syllables. That's why we dye our hair crazy colors and get drunk at parties. That's why we sleep with someone we're not in love with and it's why we buy things we don't need. Because all you can think about is, hey, this is going to make me cool. Noticed. Popular. Loved. Adored. I'll have people I can depend on.

But people lie and people cheat and people steal, but they do this all while trying to be there for you but they are not. They're just not there because they're out there lying cheating stealing their way through life.

Maybe when I'm old I'll look back on my life as a teenager and think, you know what? I did a pretty fucking good job for being so screwed throughout life.

And maybe when I'm old I'll finally appreciate who I am and who my friends are and the people I love and the boyfriends and the best friends and the strangers. Because right now, I don't. I don't appreciate you. I can't depend on you. So I'm screwed and I did a pretty fucking good job.

You know how in high school they tell you how important a college essay is? They say it's going to get you in the best universities in the state. They say, you need to show your true colors. YOU NEED TO SHOW WHO YOU ARE. But I can't because they never taught me to say who I really am. They taught me how long an indent is and how long journalistic style paragraphs should be and hey, you know, I don't give a fuck about your writing as long as you write by the book. By the book of words and oxford commas and periods and semicolons (my favorite of the english language) and parentheses. So, I lost where I was going, but I think I was talking about writing about yourself.

Hi, my name is Katherine and I have the stupidest most ignorant
Hi, my name is Kat and I wish I could be someone else when I'm writing this but fuck it, I cna;t. And I should n't say fuck either because this is probably a big time college professor reading this and thinking, fuck she's not going to go anywhere. But I will go somewhere and YOU'LL SEE MY FACE. I promise.
Hi, my name is Katherine and you want me to write about who I am. Okay, I can do that. My name is Katherine. It's nice to make you acquaintance, I don't know who I am yet but when I do, because I will and you should, I'll let you know.

Maria says she's dying, through the door I hear her crying. Why? I don't know.
Round here we always stand up straight. Round here something radiates.
Well, Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand. Said she'd like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis. And she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land, like she's walking on a wire in the circus.
She parks her car outside of my house and takes her clothes off. Says she's close to understanding jesus.
She knows she's more than just a little misunderstood and she has trouble acting normal when she's nervous.
She said it's only in my head. She said shh, I know it's only in my head.
But the girl on the car in the parking lot says, hey man you should take a shot. Can't you see my walls are crumbling? And she looks up at the building, says she's thinking of jumping. Says she's tired of life. She must be tired of something.